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Silentguy0320
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Name: Matt
Country: United States
State: Indiana
Metro: Greenwood
Birthday: 3/20/1987
Gender: Male
Interests: God, MUSIC, video games, books, girls, food, fun, God, monkeys, ninjas, RPGs, computers, strange dreams of my own and some of other people I know, friends, sleeping, and going for the impossible(in my opinion the possible).
Expertise: Trumpeting, video games, cooking (yes I cook, I cook extremely well) and of course...being lazy...
Occupation: Bum
Industry: Sloth
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  godzilla32087
MSN: masterseitz@live.com
Yahoo:  godzilla32087
Member Since:
2/12/2005
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| I feel today like I'm supposed to be doing something important. What? I have no idea.
I had a weird dream. It kinda started out like a mix between Drillbit Taylor and Superbad. My...large friend and I were just kinda chillin' and debating to go to like the school dance or something. Eventually between a series of random events we decide to go. Well we get there...lookin' the dweebs we are and apparently we're not total nerds as some people invite us over to dance. We get dancing and this girl comes over to me and says "You're cute." And I'm like "Thanks. You're gorgeous." She just giggled and we kept dancing for a bit. She was...taller than me in the dream with about shoulder length brown hair and really...she was gorgeous. Anyway...some dude comes over and just like busts in. Real tall dude and muscular...real butthead too. Anyway...right after that I leaped into the future. I'm some kind of photographer for something and famous I might add. But I shoot models. And this girl comes in...seems familiar. The girl from earlier? Oh yes indeed. She's modeling for some big name company. She doesn't recognize me at first, but after the first few shots and some exchanged words, she's practically all over me. I'm like "Whoa. Back off. You ditched me for that guy a long time ago." And she's all "That was a long time ago and I was stupid." After all that I just kinda woke up. I desperately tried to finish out this dream by trying to go back to sleep, but I ended up in more of a horror movie with disguised aliens and not so disguised aliens eating people in a like...150 Story building where the only exit was on the roof...genius...
Matt
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| So it snowed the other day. Just a little bit. Nothing epic. But it always gets me thinking. About a lot of different things actually. Like...how awesome would it be to be buried in the snow just enough so that you're perfectly hidden and when your enemies pass by you hop out with your sword and slaughter them all? AWESOME! Or same scenario but you have a silenced sniper rifle and you pick off your enemies from a safer distance? JUST AS AWESOME! I know...it'll never happen, but one can dream right?
Now around this time of year...I always feel as if I need to do something and I just can't seem to figure out what. I mean...I have the feeling all year-round, but during this season the urge is particularly strong. Those two things listed above would be awesome, but like I said...never gonna happen. I'd love to go hang out with friends, but most are 4+ hours away and those that aren't...are busy with work or school. I guess that's what I loved about college is that we'd almost always be doing something. I hate sitting 'round here and have nothing to do.
I dunno. I guess I'm just frustrated with a lot of different things, but mostly myself and it helps a little just to type it all out. I'd really love to get back into playing my trumpet and even singing. I love hearing the "Great Jobs" and the "I'd love to hear more's". Some kind of appreciation for what I love doing is nice. I mean...I act all modest and say "It's nothing." or "No thanks necessary.' In reality I really need to hear those things, because I /am/ human. Knowing that I'm doing a good job keeps my mood up and I don't get grumpy. And luckily lots of people have only seen the tip of my anger and grumpiness. When I go boom...I go BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Totally lost my train of thought...gotta love getting easily distracted. "The track is out! We're getting derailed! AHHH" - My Dad. Hilarious right? Heard that one during Thanksgiving at my Uncle's. My stepmother was saying something and BAM she forgot what she was talking about. Hilarious.
I'm honestly contemplating going to get some counseling or something. The only real problem is money right now haha. It'd probably help me to talk to someone who doesn't know me at all. I mean honestly...my Dad knows me better than I know myself it seems. I won't go into details because I know that people do read this and get all concerned for my well-being and crap. That's exactly what I don't want or need from anybody right now. I just think that some people care too dang much and it annoys the heck outta me. I appreciate the gesture...just don't tell me. It's much easier for me to not read or hear it, because I already know you're praying for me or keeping me in your thoughts. Thanks.
It's a Marshmallow World.
Matt
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| So here's the news...
Mom really, really wants to get away from here. There are no jobs here that will pay the money she needs. That means...moving. Will I go? Probably not. Everything I have is here. At most if I can't get a job here I'll have to move back in at Dad's. I'll be more likely to find a job up there, but I'll be still a pretty darn good distance from church and the majority of my friends. Immediate stress...yes. Do I care? Yes, but I act like I don't, because honestly I get tired of having to deal with it.
What am I going to do? I dunno. Probably head up to Dad's this weekend just to get away for a bit. I'm going to have to make a decision at some point and it'll come after New Year's for sure.
Blah.
Matt
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| So I'm sitting here at quarter past 2 AM wondering "Why in God's Holy and Wonderful name am I cooking a casserole?" Well I don't really have an answer to that besides that the stuff I'm using in this casserole needed to be used because it would go bad or was already in the process of going bad.
Down to the nitty-gritty.
I have finally gotten my butt out of bed for church on Sunday morning. Just church, not Sunday School. I may or may not work my way back into Sunday School. Interesting lesson. "It's Just Jesus." It had to do with familiarity and how it creates Skepticism, breeds Indifference and where faith isn't present, it leaves Christ powerless to save. Mark 6 for this. It's where Jesus returns to his hometown. He gets there and begins preaching. The people were all "Isn't that Jesus, the carpenter? Who is he to do all these things?" They were skeptical of His power. Indifferent to him because he was just a carpenter, he was just Jesus. And in the end, He could do nothing except heal a few people and leave. Can you see how it relates to the season? Lots of people think "Oh it's just Baby Jesus." "Oh it's just another Holiday." It isn't "just another Holiday! We're supposed to be celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior! Sure it comes around the same time every year, so does YOUR BIRTHDAY!
Men of Honor. My new and fun-filled small group led by our pastor. Supposed to teach men how to be...well Men of Honor and leaders. Let's face the facts. Woman are dominating the church because men won't step up to the plate anymore. Heck...lots of men aren't even the leader in their own home. Is there a problem with this? Yes. Men are in fact supposed to be Spiritual Leaders as well as the heads of the house. I am really enjoying this because well it's a chance to talk to other guys about our own problems concerning sin and such. Needless to say I am still dwelling in my own sin, because I just can't seem to cleanse myself of it. I kinda want to skip to the end of the book and find out what I really need to do.
Choir practice. Interesting. Typical Christmas Carols. One problem I honestly have...it's not in parts. It would sound so much better if it had been arranged in parts. Maybe I'm just bias because of 3 years of Men's Choir.
Earlier I said casserole. It should be more..."Casserole". The fact that I'm missing about a 3rd of the ingredients does it no harm. I don't think those missing ingredients harmed anything by /not/ being in it. We either didn't have it or I refused to put it in because I didn't like it. Bean and olives...yeah no. Green Bell Pepper...how I wish...would have added another lovely flavor. Chile Pepper...vanished...Cheyenne Pepper substituted. Hot, but still delicious. I'm such a good cook late nights hahaha. Did I say hot? I meant it clears my sinuses like nobody's business. HA!
Matt
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| Alright...so maybe I don't keep up with this like I said I would do. I'm just that way when it comes to writing every single day. I can't do it. Or I just refuse to. Blah blah who cares right? Anywho...
I'm not exactly where to start with this. I'll find a good lead in after I just talk about stuff. So my brother is in Army Boot Camp right now and basically having the time of his life, which reminds me that I need to write him a letter. Also...his girlfriend is going to have another baby. She already has a 10 month old. Kid is a blast to play with, but it's not my brother's kid. The one on the way is more than likely his. He also wants to marry her, but any details beyond that are out of my realm of knowledge. Either way I'm proud of him for finally getting in and doing what he's wanted to do for so long. If only I really knew what it was I wanted to do. I mean I'm getting the application filled out for Purdue after I finish this...
Does it bother me that I didn't graduate college and spent 3 years and some $40k only gaining some lifetime friends? Heck yeah it does. But what was I supposed to do? I had no idea what I was going to do ever since the last year of high school. I was so dismayed with myself. I was doing basically terrible except in band and spanish. I had lost all motivation to do anything or even try most of the time. I didn't care. That attitude basically carried over into college. I mean of course it was my fault. But how do face down your own shortcomings when that's all you see? It's like the only reason I'm going back to school is because I don't know what else to do. I'm seeing everything so negatively because I know I could do so much better. Veterinary Technology is kinda like Veterinary Medicine. Well it's like saying Nursing like Doctoring. I'm so afraid of myself. What if I can't do this? What if I fail? Somebody's pet could die and it could be my fault.
Though I think it's more that I'm scared I'll mess something up during a surgery if I was a Vet. Then again I'm just so scared of my own shortcomings that I can't strengthen my good things. If I really want this...I'll do it fully and to the best of my ability. I just can't help but feel that there's just something else I should be doing. On that note...I keep gravitating toward Martial Arts.
Now let's think about this. As long as I can remember that's been the one thing besides gaming that has consistently kept my attention, from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers to actual Karate Lessons (which I was scared outta my mind because my parents just kinda left me there to fend for myself and so I never got anywhere because I was either crying or hiding). Now I don't honestly know what I'd do with Martial Arts, but I do know that I could honestly devote all of my time to practicing and perfecting it as well as it being a great way to keep in shape and use up all this spare energy that I let go to waste.
I have been distracted for about the past hour or so. I will finish up for now.
Matt
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